I'm Not Coming Back
by JayaLynne
Summary: After several weeks away from the fleet, Luke has to tell Wedge he's not coming back to Rogue Squadron (mini scene 1, 3 ABY)


Luke sat quietly with Leia in the medical frigate recovery bay. They probably wouldn't hear back from Lando and Chewie for several hours, so for now he could just rest, and think. He could hardly begin to make sense of it all...

Suddenly another familiar presence burst fully into his mind. He frowned. There was something going on in the hallway…

"What is it?" Leia asked.

"There's...in the hallway, something… Oh, it's Wedge," he said.

"Wedge?"

"Yeah," Luke said. "I think - I think he's arguing with someone? I think he's upset about something."

"You can tell that?" Leia asked.

"Yeah…" Luke had always been good at reading Wedge, but usually when Wedge was right in front of him, or at least he had otherwise already known Wedge was nearby. This was new though. _I wonder what he's upset about_, Luke thought, with a sinking suspicion he already knew.

"I'll go check it out," Leia said. "I need to go talk to Command anyway. Mind if I bring these two with me?" she asked, pointing at the droids.

"Sure, go ahead," Luke said.

Leia left with the droids in tow, leaving Luke alone for a few minutes. He focused his mind on the hallway. He could feel Leia's presence distinctly from Wedge's. Wedge's frustration seemed to abate, and then Leia's presence moved in the opposite direction. _Amazing,_ Luke thought.

"Luke!" Wedge came into the recovery room and rushed to give Luke a hug. "Are you all right?"

Luke could now see the concern etched into Wedge's face. "I - yeah, more or less," Luke said. "What was going on out there?" They sat on the bed.

"Oh, the stupid medical droid wouldn't let me in," Wedge said. "Kept saying he wouldn't let me in unless I was your commander, and I kept trying to tell him, no, _you_ were _my_ commander." Wedge sighed and waved it off. "It's okay, Leia came and straightened it out." He paused, taking a quick glance at Luke. "I ran into Chewie and R2 and Threepio earlier," he said. "I got the gist of the story...Jedi training, Bespin. R2 said you actually fought Vader and got your hand cut off?"

Luke held out his right hand. "Yeah. Biomechanical replacement." He wiggled his fingers.

"Does it hurt?"

"Not really," Luke said. "Feels a bit weird. I'll get used to it."

"Will they have you back on flight status soon?" Wedge asked.

Luke hesitated. The squadron. He hadn't really thought about them in weeks. He didn't even know how many of them had survived the evacuation. He hadn't asked anyone. "Wedge… I'm...not coming back," he said.

Wedge blinked. "What?"

Luke took a breath. "I'm not coming back to the squadron," he said. "What happened to Han and Leia was because of me. I need to help her get him back. I left my training early. I need to go back. The Alliance needs a Jedi. A real one, a trained one. I have too."

"Oh."

Luke winced as Wedge's bundle of emotions hit him like a blaster bolt. Confusion, sadness, fear, frustration, even a bit of anger. He hadn't meant for that. "I'm sorry," Luke said. "I - I didn't plan this."

"I know," Wedge said quietly.

Luke searched for something positive to say. "R2 told me you said Command gave you a temporary promotion. They can make it permanent. You've earned it." It had sounded a lot less hollow in his head.

"It was already permanent," Wedge said, glancing away. "I've just been running around telling everyone it was temporary."

Luke frowned. "Why?"

Wedge studied a spot on the floor. "Command didn't think you were going to make it back. I did - we did - the squadron, what's left of us. We knew you would."

_You were waiting for me,_ Luke thought. _Of course you were. _His guilt suddenly felt overwhelming. If he hadn't left for Bespin, he could have been on Dagobah for months, years even. And not one person would have even known where he was… "Wedge, I'm sorry… I'm so sorry." _What's left of us…_ "How many made it back?" he asked.

"Six," Wedge said. "Me, Tycho, Wes, Hobbie, Jin, and Derbin. We've been flying missions as three wing pairs."

"They still have you flying missions?!" Luke said.

Wedge shrugged. "Even at fifty percent, we're still one of the most put-together squadrons in the fleet. Or what's left of the fleet." He finally gave Luke a small smile. "You did a good job making us a team."

"I - it's not like I did that by myself," Luke mumbled.

Wedge shrugged. They sat in silence for a moment. "What did you mean, 'because of you'?" Wedge asked.

"Oh," Luke said. "The whole thing was a set up, a trap. Some bounty hunter tracked Han and Leia to Bespin. Vader showed up before they did to hold them until I got there. They were bait for me." Luke sighed. "I mean, I knew that when I left Dagobah, left training. But…"

"They needed you. You went," Wedge said. "There's nothing wrong with that."

"Well," Luke shifted uncomfortably. "I'm not sure they did." Wedge frowned. "Leia was kind of short on details, but it sounded like they were able to escape anyway." Luke paused. "I didn't rescue anyone, I lost the fight, I lost my hand, I lost my lightsaber, and they ended up having to circle back _after_ taking off just to come back and get me." Luke stared at the floor. "I don't really know what good I did. Yoda told me not to go."

"What? Why?" Wedge asked. "You couldn't have known any of that ahead of time."

"He said - I said, I couldn't sacrifice Han and Leia and he said, 'If you honor what they fight for, yes'."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Wedge said.

"It means - it means," _what did that mean?_ "I guess, I don't know," Luke admitted. "I left anyway."

"Well…" Wedge looked at him firmly. "You fought _Vader_ of all people and still managed to walk out with your life. That must count for something."

Luke sighed. "He wasn't actually trying to kill me, so I don't know how impressive that actually is," he said.

Wedge frowned. "He..._wasn't _trying to kill you?"

"No."

"What was the point then?"

Luke wondered how much detail he should actually go into. "He was trying to recruit me," he said.

"What?!"

"I mean, I said no," Luke said.

"Well, of course you did," Wedge said.

"I think," Luke continued, "the original plan was for him to just capture me and bring me back to the Emperor. So _he_ could finish my training. But, I guess I actually gave him a good fight of it, because then he tried to get me to join him to overthrow the Emperor, and then it would be _us _ruling the galaxy."

Wedge opened his mouth and then closed it again. "Was that before or after he cut off your hand?" he asked.

Luke thought for a moment. "After," he said.

Wedge raised an eyebrow. "Sounds like he needs to work on his marketing skills."

Luke couldn't help but smile. "I would have said no anyway," he said.

Wedge gave him a friendly punch on the shoulder. "Of course you would." Wedge gave him a reassuring smile. "If you gave him that good of a fight, that must be worth something, right?"

"Yeah." Luke paused. "I'll tell you what. I didn't do much actual lightsaber training on Dagobah, so all that work we did during down time, getting R2 to train remote droids for me - that was really helpful."

"Oh good!" Wedge said. "You did put a lot of work into that. Your actual training must have been at least as good."

"Oh it was definitely good," Luke agreed. "It wasn't like anything I've ever done before, that's for sure."

Luke explained crashing in the swamp, getting tested, running through the jungle, lifting rocks, his sinking X-Wing, even his cave debacle, and eventually leaving. Wedge listened patiently, but Luke could see Wedge's frown deepening as he told the story. And there was a growing sense of...annoyance? Frustration? Anger? All three? "I learned a lot," Luke finished. "But I have a long way to go."

"I'm not sure I understand this," Wedge said.

"I know," Luke said. "It's okay. I don't understand it all either."

"No no, that's not what I mean," Wedge said. He crossed his arms. "The Empire has been around for twenty-two years. Has he been sitting around on this swamp planet the whole time, just waiting for you to show up?"

"I - I guess," Luke said. "I don't know."

"Why can't he come _here_ to train you?"

"I don't know," Luke said again. "Maybe...maybe the cave makes it a good training spot because it's hidden."

Wedge pursed his lips. "So he's been hiding for twenty-two years while everyone else fights the Empire?"

"Well, maybe," Luke tried to think of a good answer. He hadn't asked any of these questions. "Maybe if he had been out all this time, before I was ready, the Emperor could have killed him and then there would be no one to train me."

"Except your other teacher who was actually living on Tatooine and could have started training you earlier," Wedge pointed out.

"I - yeah," Luke said.

"And who is supposed to fight the Emperor then?" Wedge said. "_You_? If it's okay for him to hide out, even though he has years, decades -"

"Centuries," Luke said.

"- _Centuries_ of training, how is it okay to just throw you out there? You just started."

"Well, I did leave early…" Luke said.

"But you'll never have as much experience as _centuries._ Why isn't he out here?" Wedge shook his head. "Why does this have to be you?"

Wedge's protests suddenly made Luke feel even more certain that Vader had been telling him the truth. "I don't know," he lied.

Wedge sighed. "There's something not right about this," he said. "There's something more going on here, that they aren't telling you."

"Well, what am I supposed to do?" Luke said. "It's not like I can go somewhere else for training."

"Yeah, I know." Wedge put a hand on Luke's arm. "Just be careful." Wedge's communicator beeped. He sighed and pulled it out of his pocket. "Antilles," he said.

"Commander Antilles, Colonel Raddix. A briefing on the command deck requires your presence."

"Yes Sir, I'll be there in twenty minutes. Antilles out." Wedge put the communicator back in his pocket and slid off the bed. "See what you left me with? _Meetings_."

"Commander Antilles has a nice ring to it," Luke said as he stood up. Wedge shrugged. "You'll be a great commander," Luke said. "Better than me, I'm sure."

"Yeah, maybe," Wedge said.

"Everything will be fine," Luke said.

Wedge looked at Luke intently. "Be careful," he said. "Ask questions. They owe you answers."

Luke sighed. "Yeah. I know."

"Because we want you to come back." Wedge glanced away. "Not necessarily to the squadron. Just, in general. You know."

Another small bundle of Wedge's sadness, fear, and anxiety hit Luke. _You're going to miss me,_ he thought. He gave Wedge a hug. "I'll be careful," he said.

"You're terrible at being careful," Wedge said.

"Yeah." Luke let go. "Look, I'm probably not going to have a chance to catch up with everyone before I leave -"

"I'll take care of it," Wedge said.

"I didn't mean to make everyone worry," Luke said.

"I got it," Wedge said. "Don't worry about it."

"Thanks," Luke said.

"I've got to run."

"Yeah."

Wedge stood still for a moment, then headed for the door.

"Hey," Luke said. Wedge turned back around at the door. "_You_ be careful."

Wedge grinned. "I'm better at it than you are," he said. He gave Luke a small wave and left.

Luke let out a small breath and sat back on the bed. So much more to think about.


End file.
